English Sex Jokes

Q: Why did God create alcohol?
A: So ugly people have a chance to have sex

Q: If Moms have Mothers Day, and Fathers have Fathers Day. What do Single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.

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A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.

The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget.

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Three guys and a girl are marooned on a desert island. After one week, the girl is so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.

After another week, the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury her.

After another week, they're so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her up again.

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A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says,

"Can I smell your pussy?" The woman looks at him in disgust and says,

"Certainly not!" "Hmmm," he replies.

"It must be your feet, then."

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Three women walking down the street are stopped by a man doing a survey. He asks, "Ladies, would you mind telling me how you know if you've had a good night out?"

The first replies, "I come home, get into bed and if I lay there and tingle all over, I know that I had a good night."

The second one replies, "I come home, have a shower and a glass of wine, get into bed, and if I tingle all over, I know it was a good night."

The third one turns around and says, "If I get home, rip off me knickers, throw them against the wall, and they stick, then I know it was a good night!"

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A lesbian goes to a gynecologist and the gynecologist says "I must say, this is the cleanest pussy I've seen in ages."

"Thanks," said the lesbian. "I have a woman in 4 times a week."

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Q: What are the bumps for around a woman's nipples?
A: It's Braille for "Suck here"!