Англиски вицови (2 дел)

There were 11 women hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should jump because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping…. * * * * * A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs & stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and yells, "I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, asshole! What makes you think you can stereotype blondes that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep blond women like me from being respected at work and in my community and from reaching my full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general ...all in the name of humor!" Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee * * * * * Three guys, one who was unfortunate enough to be born a blond, were on a long trip going through the desert. Many miles from civilization, their car broke down. Trying to figure out what to do, they stepped out of the car and opened the hood. "Well, " said the first guy, "there's nothing we can do to fix this car here. We're going to have to walk to the nearest town. I suggest we all carry one thing with us. I carry the cooler full of drinks in case we get thirsty." "Good idea," said the second guy. "I'll bring the basket full of food in case we get hungry." The third guy, the blond, went to the car door and started to take it off its hinges. "What are you doing?" asked the other two. "Oh, I thought I'd bring the car door with us," said the blond. "If it gets too hot, I'll just roll down the window." * * * * * A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "That is highly unlikely," says the doctor. "Please, show me," So she takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. Then she pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so on and so forth. Finally the doctor looks at her and says, "You're not really a brunette are you? You're really a blonde, right?" She looks surprised and says, "Yes, Doctor!!" "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken." * * * * * The company psychiatrist was interviewing the young blonde. As she sat in the chair, the psychiatrist asked a series of questions to determine if she was emotionally suitable for the company. Things were not going well for the young blonde. The psychiatrist decided to try a new approach, to give the blonde one last chance. He asked, "if you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one." * * * * * A blonde walks into a bar and looks around. There is no pool table, no dart board, no juice box. She asked the bar tender,"What do you guys do for fun around here." The bar tender picks up a bat a walks over to an ape in the coner of the room. He hits it over the head and it goes crazy. It jumps all over the place. Then it runs to the bar tender and gives him a blow job. After the bar tender cleaned up the mess he started to hand the bat to the blond. He said," you want to give it a try." The blond looks at him and goes," Ok just don't hit me to hard!" * * * * * Повеќе... утре